“You look like a squash”

Says my husband after seeing a photo of me at 27 weeks. 

Then he proceeds to google an image of said squash and shows me this:

Here is said photo:

He just seems to have a way with words doesn’t he? Haha

But honestly, despite the discomfort of round ligament pain and struggles of getting up from any sitting/laying positions, I already feel like I’m going to miss this belly. I’m going to miss feeling the kicks, the rolls, and the more recent discovery of hiccups. I’m going to miss it all. 


Missing this guy

We knew we weren’t going to keep him forever but I didn’t want to give him up so soon. Maybe it’s my hormones, but it’s only been 2 days but I miss him terribly. 

Kallen became overprotective of me and decided it was time kitty goes. So now he’s with my brother for now until my they sister takes him permanently in a few months. 

How to want to cook

Steps on how you find the desire to cook more:

1. Be in debt

2. Want to get out of debt

3. Buy affordable foods

4. Cook

We’ve been on a cheap diet of ham and cheese sandwiches lately and I really thought by week 4, I’d be totally over it. But so far, I’m okay! The smell and thought of sandwiches haven’t yet made me want to hurl. Perhaps all the mayo I keep asking Kallen to add makes it much more appetizing. Haha

And here’s a pic of my foster kitty who I may or may not be trying to convince Kallen we should keep for life. He has seriously stolen my heart. No surprises there though.

Proud Mama

I’m so proud of my boys. 

It took weeks of slowly introducing/exposing them to one another and now, I cry tears of joy at this beautiful site. All of them together in one room. 😊

We’re foster parents! 

Ok, not really, but we are fostering this pretty little guy here. He’s my sister’s. But I’m secretly hoping Kallen falls madly in love with him and wants to keep him. He’s seriously the cuddliest and sweetest. 

We’re slowly introducing him to Naimo and Machu. At this rate though, I’m expecting it may take months for Machu to warm up. I think Machu just wants his mama all to himself so any threat of that he won’t like. He’s a stubborn one. Any how, will keep you posted!

Back to basics

Christmas 2017 came and went and I’ve decided it’s about time I go back to something much simpler, the basics. 

So Kallen and I took all our savings, sold our stocks, and doubled down on paying off my $280k student loan debt. 

I got a library card, borrowed some books on getting debt free, and just for kicks, also books on business fundamentals. 

2018 is going to be all about living with our bare essentials and to be honest, I’m really loving it already. 

Child-free not by choice

About a year ago, I wrote a post on being child-free by choice, without even the slightest clue that we would actually not be given a choice. 

I saw my nephrologist for a routine annual check up in late August. My kidneys were not getting worse, but they never quite recover from the damage it went through a year and a half ago. I nonchalantly mentioned to him about our plans to possibly start a family at the end of this year. Without any warning, he quickly asked I seek advice from a high risk OB. Research right away showed pretty grim outcomes. Risk of pre-term birth. Risk of worsening kidneys. Despite that, we wanted to stay optimistic, at least until we hear it straight from the OB.

Well, we saw the OB yesterday. Sure enough, he pretty much confirmed it. Trying to find the silver lining in it all. There’s still a bit of hope if my kidneys somehow improve. 

There’s also the other options of surrogacy or adoption. We’re not completely ruling it out. But it’s difficult to begin imaging having a family any other way than how you’ve always imagined it. There’s so many others out there who’s struggling with infertility. But there’s not many who are in the same exact situation that we know of. Because we haven’t even begin trying yet. We’re not facing the question of whether can we get pregnant, but more should we get pregnant. Is it irresponsible to want to try knowing that we might create an unhealthy baby? Would we regret not trying if there’s a chance baby and me would maybe be okay? 

We’re sad for us.

And we’re sad for the world. 

Hurricanes, earthquakes, flooding, fires, and mass shooting. Maybe someone is trying to tell us perhaps we really shouldn’t bring a new baby into this world… And then I wonder how people went through multiple world wars and still created families. A part of me have this hope that maybe this new breed of humans will somehow do better. Maybe those people thought the same. 

This was shot in Iceland inspired by the vulnerability that Kallen and I felt after we first heard of the disappointing news. One way of dealing with a bit of sadness I guess, turning it into a bit of creativity. Hoping to submit it for publication, but unsure where would be appropriate. Help? 

Anywho, such a somber post. I know. Hoping for better days, for all. 

A movie suggestion

On our flight back home from Iceland, I watched a sweet movie called “Flipped” and now it’s one of my favorites.

Young innocent love with a strong and smart female lead, that also transports me back to much simpler times. I loved it. I have a mental list of movies I’d love to watch with my future kids someday and this is definitely one of them.