I like to think I’m very self aware and right now I’m pretty aware that I’m acting like the biggest baby. The virus or whatever I had didn’t quite go away completely so I’m still getting night sweats but yesterday after work, I felt the headaches and malaise and I freaked out. I loaded myself with food before I passed out at 6:45pm unwillingly (because waking up on an empty stomach is not the business) but not before I asked kallen to take out the trash and watch the puppies. I really wanted to take out the trash because I wanted the compost dumped and Kallen had already wash the pile of dishes, and I like things to be fair in our relationship. But lately this guy did it all with no complaints, ever. So, this is an appreciation post for him. I tell him I appreciate him too, maybe that’s why he doesn’t complain. 🙂
I snow boarded in Tahoe on Saturday, on my last run, silly of me, thinking I’ll finally attempt “carving” I went too fast unintentionally, tried to stop but stop too quick unintentionally and BAM just like that I went down head snapped back hitting solid flat snow. I was in shock. My worst blow to the head.
I thought I could have possibly sustained a concussion. Kallen thought because I didn’t lose consciousness, felt dizzy or had any vomiting, it’s likely I didn’t have a concussion.
So come Sunday night, the chills hit. Uncontrollable shivers. Monday, I woke up with more headaches, malaise, no appetite, just all around awful. Tuesday I discovered light sensitivity, sound sensitivity. Saw MD, said I had a mild concussion and a viral infection. And things sorta went down hill. Out of work for the entire week. Questioned life and whether dying would be less painful than how I was feeling (so dramatic I know). Pretty convinced if I were to have cancer I would be the one wimpy patient that’d want to give up immediately. It wasn’t until literally day number 7 that morning that things looked brighter.
Almost 2 weeks out and I’m getting nightmares for which there’s no clear picture, just feelings of stress and anxiety. Sleep is not coming easy for me right now. Still getting night sweats but no more chills.
And work is crazier than ever after my 1 week absence. Was expected but never prepared to deal. This will push me back 2-4 weeks to finally catch up and be in a good place again. I am not a happy camper right now.
A lot of questionable choices made. Both the ones made long ago and ones made most recently.