My baby is getting promoted

To big brother!

I have so many mixed emotions about this. We were really torn when we first found out I was pregnant. It’s not what we had planned. We wanted at least another 2 years or so with Emmett to ourselves before even considering having another. We felt we were in a good spot finally. We paid off our loans. Emmett is sleeping. We’re sleeping well. We were finally making future plans for international travels after 2 years. 

Then in late October I started feeling really exhausted. I thought it was a latent reaction to drinking really strong coffee. Then the food aversions came. I hated the smell of leftover food we had cooked from the day before. Again I didn’t think much of it until my coworker and I started joking about me being pregnant. So then I tried to recount the last time I had my period. I was a little late but my cycles were usually long. I debated for a few days on whether to get a test because it took me awhile to get a positive with Emmett even while pregnant. Finally decided to buy 2 tests because I was so sure the first will at least be a negative. 

Boy I was so wrong.

Clearly pregnant. So pregnant. I cried. 

So Kallen and I spent the next weeks debating and made a pros and cons list. Seems that there were more cons than pros. 

But ultimately it came down to my own feelings about going through a termination. I’m all for pro choice and whatever a woman wants to do with her body. But for me, every time I thought about terminating this baby, even though it was likely only cells at that point, I was overwhelm with sadness. I was sad I’d become regretful. I was sad I’d become depress not knowing who this person will become. 

We debated for so long. But I don’t think Kallen and I ever verbally agreed. We just acknowledged that my repeated sadness whenever we considered terminating was enough reasons to keep. 

So… I guess we’re having this summer babe!

We’re getting really excited (now that the initial shock is sorta over). But regardless, we’re scared shitless. Pls send helps. Lots of it. Many thanks. 

Thankful for…

My baby who’s almost 14 months but looking and sometimes acting like he’s going on 5 years.

My family for putting together the best thanksgiving meal a starving mama can ever ask for. 

Not pictured is Kallen. He’s been so supportive and involved and helpful. With no complaints. It’s been good over here. 

Start of toilet training

Honestly, we didn’t anticipate starting toilet training Emmy this early at only 13.5 months but something very unexpected happen and now we’re hoping he’ll be somewhat trained by 18 months. Crossing our fingers. Initially we expected to start training around 2 years when it typically would take just a weekend or so to complete. But luckily, I came across the cutest training potty ever to help lighten the mood on this can-be-stressful transition. We’re not wanting to put too much pressure though so we’re taking it very slowly and following his cues for signs of readiness. This past weekend we introduced him to it. Initially he was apprehensive. And to our surprise when we asked him does he think he can sit on it, he did! The next step is trying to get the timing down. A couple of times this weekend we had a few missed opportunities by a few minutes but it was good to know our guesses for timing is not too far off. I’m super curious to see how he does in the coming months. 

We drove down to Napa to have brunch with some old friends and surprisingly he did pretty good in the car. It’s a hit or miss sometimes. 

My attempts at taking more photos with him because he’s so darn cute. 

He never sits still anymore so brunch with this guy consists of not eating and lots of chasing him around. It’s really adorable to see him so curious about other people and other things though. So even though my empty belly complains at least my heart is content. Haha

Two words

Debt free. 

(Except for our mortgage)

Feels nice. Can’t believe we did it in less than 2 years. $380k. Dang that’s a lot of money. Gonna have Emmy promise me and won’t have insane amounts of student loan debt like we did. 

Not sure how we should celebrate. Feels weird. We haven’t gone anywhere nice to spend a good chunk of change in awhile It’s difficult to even imagine doing that now. 

But I do know one of the first things I bought were warmer clothes for Emmy since winter is coming. Thankful he has uncles and aunties to spoil him with cute outfits like above though. 

Em’s first trip to Hawaii

It irks me that it’s a little out of order but too lazy to edit. 

He was not a fan of the ocean.

But the kiddy pool he loves.

His daily uniform. Nothing but a diaper on.

The sand was also enjoyable to him.

Took him to the zoo but he was fixated on pushing this cooler around.

Shoulder rides with Papa.

It was super cute he was interested in pushing our suitcase until he wanted to also push around someone else’s.

Napped but an hour and it was heaven. I made the mistake of adjusting my wedgie. He woke up soon after I shifted.

He was pretty content with pretending his milk carton was a toy car until he wanted to take it into the aisle and across first class.

Witnessing his first landing.

7 months since they last saw each other.

Emmy wearing his Aloha outfit for his birthday shindig.

A whole year with Emmett

He’s the love of our lives, no competition. 

I’ve been conflicted about what to say when this day came because a part of me is in denial. It’s so hard to look at him each day witnessing how much he’s grown/changed/evolved and not yearn for the days when he was a helpless immobile chunk of cuteness. It’s true, I’m so sad. I’m living in a constant state of nostalgia. I give him so many hugs and kisses in a day as if I want the feelings permanently imprinted. The feelings of holding his tiny body with his arms hanging around my neck, and the plump softness of his baby cheeks. 

If I can come up with a way to bottle up all the stages and somehow get to experience it all just for one day or even an hour, it’d probably be pretty great, and also, I’d probably be pretty rich. 

If I had to confess the one thing I love most about being with him is just watching him do all the things. I love watching him dance, babble (someone needs to come up with a baby translating app ASAP), attempt at mastering his fine motor skills like screwing and unscrewing bottle caps, give hugs and kisses to all the pets, waving, mowing the lawn (but not well), throwing away dirty diapers/trash, pushing/pulling/twisting/turning all the knobby things, attempt at jumping, singing “round and round” from “The wheels on the Bus” song, try to say his name, say “mama” and “me me” (mom in Vietnamese), psych out everyone around him, attempt at feeding me, and the list goes on and I don’t think will ever end. 

The hardest part for me is the parenting. To not just parent but to act/say/do in a ways that’s conducive in raising a respectful, competent, confident, and (mostly) happy child and eventual adult. In which I’ve found requires so much patience, communication, and research/reading. It’s a work in progress. Emmett is only a year and I wonder a lot how much (or little) our style of parenting has played a role in his demeanor and personality thus far. But either way, it’s been such a joy (and also very exhausting) seeing him become one year old Emmett. Curious how the next year’s growth will surface, but not too curious because I still want to enjoy carrying him and not be completely winded. 

33 years

I turned 33 and my only regret is not having this cutie in my life sooner.

I’m so obsessed with him it’s rediculous. And I’m glad my family feels the same. We’re all obsessed. My sister is putting together a video and my brother made t-shirts, all for his birthday coming up.

I took some photos to commemorate him turning 1 soon and I died when I put this outfit on him. So frkn adorable. Now I understand why some families have a gazillion babies. 

Less than a week before sister gets married and we celebrated her wedding shower this past weekend. Emmett participated in one of the games and was the highlight of the day for me.

And in case you’re wondering, my ovaries are screaming “yes, have a another!” But my brain is putting up a hard no. Brain wins. For now. And maybe for a few more years. And maybe forever. 

11 months with Emmy

He’s always on the move now so it’s rare to get still photos of him. But we took him to a nearby park with outdoor water fountain (splash pad is I think what they’re called) and I think he had an okay time. He always takes awhile to get oriented at any new places, just as everyone else would I guess. He eventually became curious about the other kids. Lots of starring. And then lots of walking around and talking to himself. I’m sure he felt fine but a peice of me felt a bit sad no one wanted to play with him. I wonder if he’ll be fine making friends and talking up to random people in the future, though. He’s starting to wave hi and bye to everyone he sees, it’s super cute.

He’s currently really interested in closing doors, refrigerator doors, cabinet doors, bedroom doors, sliding glass doors, ect. Anytime he sees us opening the freezer to grab something, he comes by, checks it out, then closes it. 

We’ve been trying to have him brush his teeth more regularly. He does well. But wonder what he’s thinking when he decides he’s done and leaves the toothbrush in the freezer. 

When we visit my parents now I try to not be in the room. He’s so much more open and seems he feels more free to play and interact with my family when I’m not present. It’s so cute and fun to hear my family laughing and really enjoying being with him. He babbles a lot. Sometimes imitating what we’re saying. He has this “game” he does where he pretends to give you something and then fakes out the last minute. He does it to our dog, Machu, with food and it’s hilarious. I’m not sure where he picked that up. He must know it’s funny because he laughs and giggles every time. 

One more month until he’s 1. Feels like this was the fastest year of my life. I’m kinda sad.

The end of BF (almost)

This is my last frozen bag of breast milk. I had stopped pumping months ago but during my short weekend getaway, I pumped a little just to be consistent with my nursing times. Is it normal to be this emotional about it? I hesitated for a minute before I put it in the fridge to thaw. But I think it’s time. 

My breastfeeding journey is approaching its final destination. It’s so bitter sweet. I’m still nursing once a day in the mornings just to hopefully help boost Emmy’s immune system. 

I remember hating it with a passion and dreading it so much in the early weeks/months. I couldn’t wait to stop. Each month that passed by I kept telling Kallen I’d stop at the end of that month because I couldn’t handle the pain, the demand, and the lack of freedom. Not to mention the times I had trouble producing enough. I remember the constant stress of trying to eat enough, drink enough, and pump enough to help increase my supply. Ultimately I had to take very expensive supplements. It was  a lot of work. 

But I grew to enjoy it. And I will certainly miss it. 

10 months with Emmy and his first word

Can’t believe he’s going to be 1 in 2 months! He’s already acting like a toddler with his walking and squating and exploring.

And baby boy finally said his first word last week! It only took me being gone for the weekend for it to happen but it happened! Went to SoCal for Giang’s bachelorette, FaceTime him and not soon after he started balling and in the midst of it, clear as day, he said “ma ma!” All my sisters were there and also heard it! There was a not a dry eye in sight, it broke my heart. Cutest yet saddest thing ever.

Ever since he’s been saying baba and dada. But only says mama when he’s upset. 

Every parent probably thinks this about there own child but I am so obsessed with him and his face and everything he does is so stinkin cute including all his cries. 

Everyday he amazes me. It’s crazy to see how fast he catches on. From the time he came home from the hospital I’ve always talked to him, describe what I do and I’ve always felt sort of silly. But now I can finally tell it’s making a difference in that Emmett is showing that he does understand. The other day I told him to help me close the diaper wipes and crazy enough he tried to close it. And then I also asked him to get the diaper for a diaper change and he walks over to the diaper basket! He didn’t grab the diaper, however, because he got distracted but for a split second he understood!

And now he’s also putting himself down for naps and bed (not in this kennel of course)! He’s shown so much independence and confidence for a 10 month old, says our nanny. I’m just happy and lucky to see him also really happy and confident. 

I’m mostly happy but I get a little sad every time I’m nursing him to know that he is only this tiny baby for not much longer. 

A little throwback to when he was even smaller than now (tiny little 4 month).