To big brother!
I have so many mixed emotions about this. We were really torn when we first found out I was pregnant. It’s not what we had planned. We wanted at least another 2 years or so with Emmett to ourselves before even considering having another. We felt we were in a good spot finally. We paid off our loans. Emmett is sleeping. We’re sleeping well. We were finally making future plans for international travels after 2 years.
Then in late October I started feeling really exhausted. I thought it was a latent reaction to drinking really strong coffee. Then the food aversions came. I hated the smell of leftover food we had cooked from the day before. Again I didn’t think much of it until my coworker and I started joking about me being pregnant. So then I tried to recount the last time I had my period. I was a little late but my cycles were usually long. I debated for a few days on whether to get a test because it took me awhile to get a positive with Emmett even while pregnant. Finally decided to buy 2 tests because I was so sure the first will at least be a negative.
Boy I was so wrong.
Clearly pregnant. So pregnant. I cried.
So Kallen and I spent the next weeks debating and made a pros and cons list. Seems that there were more cons than pros.
But ultimately it came down to my own feelings about going through a termination. I’m all for pro choice and whatever a woman wants to do with her body. But for me, every time I thought about terminating this baby, even though it was likely only cells at that point, I was overwhelm with sadness. I was sad I’d become regretful. I was sad I’d become depress not knowing who this person will become.
We debated for so long. But I don’t think Kallen and I ever verbally agreed. We just acknowledged that my repeated sadness whenever we considered terminating was enough reasons to keep.
So… I guess we’re having this summer babe!